I’ve been reading and hearing a lot about the whole thing with Michael Sam and Tony Dungy the last few days. For those who have no clue, Michael Sam is the second ever out gay player affiliated with an NFL team (he has yet to make the team) and Tony Dungy is a former head coach in the National Football League. The controversy came about as a result of Tony Dungy saying he wouldn’t have drafted Michael Sam because he’d be afraid of the sistraction that may result from having him be part of the team. And when asked to elaborate forther, Dungy said that though he loves Sam, he doesn’t agree with “his lifestyle”.
Now that that background info is out of the way…
I REALLY hate the word “lifestyle” as it’s used to describe the lives of LGBTQQIP people, as it implies a series of stereotypes, misconceptions, and overblown expectations. In an age where (mostly to their credit) popular media has given LGBTQQIP people greater exposure and coverage, it has also reinforced these stereeotypes, misconceptions, and overblown expectations and the problem is when it’s presented by the media that all queer people live the samee way and want the same things, it renders those who choose to not express their queerness in that way, or those who can’t afford to to meaningless outsiders.
People are more than than what we do, or other people’s perceptions of what we do. We are how we think, how we feel, how we love, how we hate, our history…etc. There’s a lot of talk (even in popularr media) nowadays of inclusiveness, and that’s great. I think the more people learn the importance of this the better. I would like to see that inclusiveness be extended to those who are a certain people, but whose lives may not for what’s expected of those people because it’s while hard enough to be in the minority in a society that so champions sameness, it’s even harder to be a minority in a society that champions sameness while living a life that goes against that sameness, and being told that that’s not okay.
We’re supposedly “the land of the free”, right? Let’s work a little harder on that freedom.
Yes, folks, the [San Francisco Fetish Flea][https://fetlife.com/events/267380] is almost here and hotter than ever!!!!
Held at the World Famous [SF Citadel][https://fetlife.com/users/2235835] on 09 August 2014, and brought to you by the PurrVeyors of Purrversion, and the SF Citadel, you’ll find the BEST of new and tested toys, clothing, leather, and More!!!!
Hang out with fellow perverts of every gender, orientation and kink as you try to decide which toy to add to your toybag…
Talk to actual makers of floggers, canes, and other toys instead of salespersons who might not even be kinky…
Find that special implement to make your nights (and days) special!!!!
Doors at 1100 until 1700 (5PM). Just USD$5.00!!!!
Ya don’t wanna miss this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PS: Wanna be a vendor of new or tested toys/products, etc??? [Read This][https://fetlife.com/groups/73875/group_posts/4156354]. Thanks!!!
Some time ago, on “that other social networking site” I read a post by a known membeer of our community talking about how she feels some people are treating WIITWD. Her direct quote was in fact:
"BDSM is not a circus sideshow. It’s a means to a connection between people. Going through the physical to get to the spiritual. Do your homework"."
Now, I have to say that I actually have mixed feelings about her statement. On the one hand, I personally view the things that we do in much the same way. The way I, and a lot of the community members I respect play most of the time is in fact a forging of a connection between all parties involved. Most of the time, my ideal scene connects the top, the bottom, and the voyeurs and together, we all help create this positive, nourishing experience. On the other hand, there are those who play, and play publicly bcause it’s edgy, it’s shocking, it’s out of the norm, and it’s showy. Those almost…sideshow-like aspects of play satisfy them. To these folks, it may not be as much (if at all) about forging deep energetic and spiritual connections. It’s about playing…performing even in a situation where they can be noticed, and where they can get a reaction. THAT’S what’s sexy to them: the attention grabbing aspect of public play. And I have to say, although that’s not what I find attractive, there’s nothing wrong in wanting that.
I have a really hard time with any “one true way” type lecturing. Whether we’re talking about how leathers should be acquired; how someone should be addressed (beyond just politely), or how someone should be treated (again, beyond simply politely), I feel like any attempt to emphasize a community-wide mandate on how certain things should be done, especially when these mandates are emphasized in the name of “tradition” goes against the freedom part of sexual freedom, a cause (I think) we all should help advance in our own way.
While I myself consider BDSM an enriching, serious, and dare I say essential part of my life and have considered it so for quite awhile, I can’t rightfully justify telling other people that they have to view it in the same manner. There are people who are into BDSM simply or the allure of hot sex and play. There are those who are into it for having said hot sex and play in public for all to see. There are those who are in it for the shock and alternative value of it all, and there are those who are into it simply for the sake of adding some spice into sex life that might’ve gotten to be a bit stale and you know what? These are all valid reasons to be into BDSM. This mini-universe we and our foreparents have collectively create is a huge one, and I think there’s room for all of us.
I wish more energy was put in things that can make this mini-universe of ours a safer place to be like emphasizing the importance of consent education, effective and compassionate communication, respecting our differences, and taking care of our own. I think ultimately it’s these ideas that will help preserve our history, our community, and our lifestyle.
SF Citadel Presents - Deserted Island! A Clothing Destruction-Themed Photographic Event!
Date: friday, 7/18
Time: 8 pm-1 am
Location: SF Citadel
Address: 181 Eddy Street (near Taylor)
Dress Code: Dress Code: Stranded/Deserted Island Outfits Encouraged. Basic Black and Fetish Wear always works too
Anubis and Michael
Deserted Island: Stranded on an island with nothing but the ragged and torn clothes on your back, creating implements out of what’s left to make the others scream loud enough to catch the attention of passing by ships.
At 10pm we will be presenting a special scene for your viewing and dining pleasure.
Flash is a unique event since it’s the ONLY time cameras ARE allowed IN ALL PARTS of the Citadel during an event. You may take photos of your partner, yourself and/or document your scene or ask one of the house photographers to take photos for you. (You may NOT take photos of others without their permission)
If your not photo friendly this event is still a great time to socialize so leave the camera at home and come watch others as they hone and practice their BDSM and photography skills.
NO VIDEO OR OUTSIDE LIGHTING EQUIPMENT IS ALLOWED. Camera mounted flashes ONLY!
PICTURES ARE OPTIONAL AND THE PRIVACY OF OTHERS WILL BE RESPECTED AT ALL TIMES!
We will have 2 House Photographers for this event. Anubis and Michael Sundin. So please look them up if you would like someone to shoot a scene for you.
Please note YOU will have to supply a Compact Flash or SD Memory Card 1GB or larger if you would like to have photos taken of you by the House Photographers (They can be found at virtually any electronic or drug store)
Admission is $25 or you can Volunteer for a shift and get in for FREE. Volunteer slots are limited and fill up fast. For questions or to volunteer email Flash@sfcitadel.org
Some of the greatest gifts I received in my involvement in the sex positive way of life are the real life examples that there is more than one definition of who and what constitutes “attractive”. I find this to be espeecially true when I attend women’s and queer and trans folks’ events and I start looking around. At a typical event I can readily see people of all sizes, heights, builds, complexions proudly roaming around. There seems to be room for all of these people, and they’re all considered attractive. I see this in promotional material for community events, and I see this in the various titleholder representing our communities. I remember as a 21 year old first finding out about this way of life, as a short, chubby kid, going to Folsom or the first time seeing women and queers who looked like me walking around proud of what they looked like and who they are and how much that inspired me. Those same types of people still inspire me today.
It is with these memories, with this sense of gratitude for the self love and self-appreciation I’ve come to foster over the years that I wonder why it is (at least in my observvation) there’s not this sense of diversity and acceptance in the mens kink community. walking around in the soMa and Castro districts I find myself coming across promotional materials for mens kink events all the time. Sometimes it’s a party; sometimes it’s a fundraiser. regardless of what type of event it is, there are things I can always expect. The guys featured in these promotional materials are always either buff or slim. Seriously, I’d be hard pressed to find a chubby dude on a flyer promoting a mens kink event. and I bet if I do, that would only be because that’s an event for fat chasers. Why is that?
From a human stand point, I’d think that when we talk about sexual freedom, we ought to mean that people of ALL sorts get to explore their sexualities, not just buff people, or skinny people. From a financial stand point, I’d think coming from the point of view of “people of all sorts are embraced” would be more financially beneficial. Am I wrong?
I long for the day when all sexually progressive communities can say that we embrace seekers of sexual freedom and exploration of all kinds, regardless of sex, gender, gender identity, size…etc. Until then, I’ll settle for the surprise of seeing a chubby guy on the promotional material of a mens kink or leather event.
When the bus ride of life takes a surprise wrong turn, just think of it as an excuse to check out a new spot. :)
So far, today’s shaping up to be a day of changed plans. First, I was suppose to go on a sandwich date with friends. But somehow I just got really tired all of a sudden and lost track of time. I apologized to my friends, stayed home instead, and used that time to do chores and work on self care (including talking to someone who’s very dear to me).
Then tonight, I was suppose to go see a movie with two awesome friends but then one of them informed me right after I left the house that both of them had to cancel. No problem. I just had dinner at one of my favorite burrito places near my house, and later I”ll head to a meeting I enjoy going to on Thursdays when I can.
I used to really not do well with change. Sudden changes would throw off my day in a pretty major way. But in time, I’m learning that circumstances are going to occur that make changes in plans necessary. That’s life. No amount of complaining or freaking out is going to make that untrue. So when changes to plans happen, I’m trying to approach them as new opportunities ‘cause really, that’s what they are. Seeing them as such helps me better use my time and energy.
There have been points in my life when in being attracted to and liking someone, just knowing that they’re happy and well is good enough for me. Even if I don’t get to participate, knowing that they are well and loved is enough. Sometimes that can be painful. But even in those times, that knowledge satisfies me…