July 29, 2014
Thank You for Helping Me Learn!

"Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn."
C. S. Lewis

So…not long ago, I wrote a status update re: my opinions about the relationship status “It’s complicated” and rightly so, I was taken to task for it. I would like to thank everyone who did so for showiung me of my own narrow-mindedness, and for reminding me that as someone who has been in relationships that are complicated, and can probably only be described as being complicated, who herself is complicated, and who frankly, isn’t always a fan of being all that transparent to the public about what’s going on in her life that I am quite possibly the last person who should be criticizing the status labeled “It’s complicated”. As someone who’s spent a better part of her adult life talking about the importance of the right to self-identify I feel like a hypocrite. I am sincerely sorry for my thoughtless, and for the negative feelings said thoughtlessness caused. And if this mis-step has caused people to think less of me, or to re-think their association with me, I will have incorporate that consequence as a part of my learning experience as well.

Thank you, to those who did so for taking me to task. Thank you for your passionate reminder for me to THINK before I speak (or type). Thank you for those who think highly enough of me to expect better. Thank for helping me grow and learn.

July 26, 2014
I’ll Get Naked…But Will You?

Inspired by a friend’s post on “that other social networking site”

I am a girl. Maybe not like how you’d expect. But we all have our shortcomings I guess. One day you’ll learn. ;-)

Pants, dresses, shirts, ties, skirts…these are clothes I like to wear. Sometimes I wear them to tell you who I am, but don’t you start looking at my clothes and start telling me who I am!

I am a submissive; though I’m not necessarily submissive; and I’m most probably not *your* submissive. You have to earn that one!

I love washing dishes, partly so that dinner can start and end quicker. Partly because I love the alchemy that goes into turning stain-filled, grimy, sticky dishes into vessels for food, good as new. Plus sometimes I get a little shy from people. Dishes let me get away.

I don’t trust easily, and often love with hesitation. But not because I don’t want to give you everything I have. I guess it’s because 20+ years later I’m still that kid on that school bus sitting at the edge of her seat, next to someone she’s sure doesn’t want her there, waiting to be asked to move. I know I am not that girl today. I’m just waiting to believe it. Thank you for those who are waiting with me :)

That said, I love hard; I love strong; I love deeply; I love fully; and I love the feeling that comes from loving. And though it may be hard to get me to love you, to believe in you, to trust you…once I do I will go to the end of the world for you.

Surveying my body you’ll see scars of different shapes, sizes, lengths and thicknesses. Like a road map of my life, they speak of the pain I’ve experienced, the triumph of making it through over and over, one day at a time, and the sometimes rocky, sometimes smooth, sometimes uncertain journey of self discovery, healing, and learning I re-commit to going on every single day.

I am a writer, and I love helping people write because through writing I found my true voice. Through writing I found my courage. Through writing, I found my best tool for communication, for education, and sometimes for condemnation. Most importantly, through writing, I find my salvation.

I am thankful for those who at various points of my life listened to me, talked to me, hugged me, shared their marbles with me, or held my hand for sometimes I need these things but might have a hard time asking for them. The service I do today, I do to pay back what you all so generously gave to me.

I am a child, a friend, a colleague, a volunteer, a drug addict, a survivor, a work in progress, a lover of bacon, and one day at a time I’m becoming the person I want to one day grow to be.

Who are you?

*Note: So, like I said, this was inspired by something a friend had written. I dont think it was meant to be a meme. But I feel this can be a great resource to be proud of, and reclaim a lot of our truth, especially those we may’ve felt pressure to hide, or to feel ashamed of. For those writing inclined, I invite you to use this as a way to show pride for your truth.*

July 26, 2014

Proper perspective gifts me the opportunity to preserve a relationship with someone even if said relationship isn’t what I wish it was. It allows me to see what we have, and what’s really important and lets me love that and be grateful for it.

July 25, 2014
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Want to help San francisco’s ONE AND ONLY kinky coffee shop and community institution continue to THRIVE, enrich this community, and become a haven for kinksters all over for years to come? Please consider supporting this awesome new campaign!

July 23, 2014

I’ve been reading and hearing a lot about the whole thing with Michael Sam and Tony Dungy the last few days. For those who have no clue, Michael Sam is the second ever out gay player affiliated with an NFL team (he has yet to make the team) and Tony Dungy is a former head coach in the National Football League. The controversy came about as a result of Tony Dungy saying he wouldn’t have drafted Michael Sam because he’d be afraid of the sistraction that may result from having him be part of the team. And when asked to elaborate forther, Dungy said that though he loves Sam, he doesn’t agree with “his lifestyle”.

Now that that background info is out of the way…

I REALLY hate the word “lifestyle” as it’s used to describe the lives of LGBTQQIP people, as it implies a series of stereotypes, misconceptions, and overblown expectations. In an age where (mostly to their credit) popular media has given LGBTQQIP people greater exposure and coverage, it has also reinforced these stereeotypes, misconceptions, and overblown expectations and the problem is when it’s presented by the media that all queer people live the samee way and want the same things, it renders those who choose to not express their queerness in that way, or those who can’t afford to to meaningless outsiders.

People are more than than what we do, or other people’s perceptions of what we do. We are how we think, how we feel, how we love, how we hate, our history…etc. There’s a lot of talk (even in popularr media) nowadays of inclusiveness, and that’s great. I think the more people learn the importance of this the better. I would like to see that inclusiveness be extended to those who are a certain people, but whose lives may not for what’s expected of those people because it’s while hard enough to be in the minority in a society that so champions sameness, it’s even harder to be a minority in a society that champions sameness while living a life that goes against that sameness, and being told that that’s not okay.

We’re supposedly “the land of the free”, right? Let’s work a little harder on that freedom.

July 22, 2014
Come One, Come ALL to the event that can Bring the Heat to your summer!!!

Yes, folks, the [San Francisco Fetish Flea][https://fetlife.com/events/267380] is almost here and hotter than ever!!!!

Held at the World Famous [SF Citadel][https://fetlife.com/users/2235835] on 09 August 2014, and brought to you by the PurrVeyors of Purrversion, and the SF Citadel, you’ll find the BEST of new and tested toys, clothing, leather, and More!!!!

Hang out with fellow perverts of every gender, orientation and kink as you try to decide which toy to add to your toybag…

Talk to actual makers of floggers, canes, and other toys instead of salespersons who might not even be kinky…

Find that special implement to make your nights (and days) special!!!!

Doors at 1100 until 1700 (5PM). Just USD$5.00!!!!

Ya don’t wanna miss this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PS: Wanna be a vendor of new or tested toys/products, etc??? [Read This][https://fetlife.com/groups/73875/group_posts/4156354]. Thanks!!!

July 21, 2014

July 19, 2014
Sad, but true!

Sad, but true!

July 18, 2014
There’s room in the Big Tent

Some time ago, on “that other social networking site” I read a post by a known membeer of our community talking about how she feels some people are treating WIITWD. Her direct quote was in fact:

"BDSM is not a circus sideshow. It’s a means to a connection between people. Going through the physical to get to the spiritual. Do your homework"."

Now, I have to say that I actually have mixed feelings about her statement. On the one hand, I personally view the things that we do in much the same way. The way I, and a lot of the community members I respect play most of the time is in fact a forging of a connection between all parties involved. Most of the time, my ideal scene connects the top, the bottom, and the voyeurs and together, we all help create this positive, nourishing experience. On the other hand, there are those who play, and play publicly bcause it’s edgy, it’s shocking, it’s out of the norm, and it’s showy. Those almost…sideshow-like aspects of play satisfy them. To these folks, it may not be as much (if at all) about forging deep energetic and spiritual connections. It’s about playing…performing even in a situation where they can be noticed, and where they can get a reaction. THAT’S what’s sexy to them: the attention grabbing aspect of public play. And I have to say, although that’s not what I find attractive, there’s nothing wrong in wanting that.

I have a really hard time with any “one true way” type lecturing. Whether we’re talking about how leathers should be acquired; how someone should be addressed (beyond just politely), or how someone should be treated (again, beyond simply politely), I feel like any attempt to emphasize a community-wide mandate on how certain things should be done, especially when these mandates are emphasized in the name of “tradition” goes against the freedom part of sexual freedom, a cause (I think) we all should help advance in our own way.

While I myself consider BDSM an enriching, serious, and dare I say essential part of my life and have considered it so for quite awhile, I can’t rightfully justify telling other people that they have to view it in the same manner. There are people who are into BDSM simply or the allure of hot sex and play. There are those who are into it for having said hot sex and play in public for all to see. There are those who are in it for the shock and alternative value of it all, and there are those who are into it simply for the sake of adding some spice into sex life that might’ve gotten to be a bit stale and you know what? These are all valid reasons to be into BDSM. This mini-universe we and our foreparents have collectively create is a huge one, and I think there’s room for all of us.

I wish more energy was put in things that can make this mini-universe of ours a safer place to be like emphasizing the importance of consent education, effective and compassionate communication, respecting our differences, and taking care of our own. I think ultimately it’s these ideas that will help preserve our history, our community, and our lifestyle.

July 17, 2014
SF Citadel Presents - Deserted Island! A Clothing Destruction-Themed Photographic Event! 

Date: friday, 7/18
Time: 8 pm-1 am
Location: SF Citadel
Address: 181 Eddy Street (near Taylor)
Cost: $25
Dress Code: Dress Code: Stranded/Deserted Island Outfits Encouraged. Basic Black and Fetish Wear always works too

Hosted by:
Anubis and Michael

Deserted Island: Stranded on an island with nothing but the ragged and torn clothes on your back, creating implements out of what’s left to make the others scream loud enough to catch the attention of passing by ships.

At 10pm we will be presenting a special scene for your viewing and dining pleasure.

Flash is a unique event since it’s the ONLY time cameras ARE allowed IN ALL PARTS of the Citadel during an event. You may take photos of your partner, yourself and/or document your scene or ask one of the house photographers to take photos for you. (You may NOT take photos of others without their permission)

If your not photo friendly this event is still a great time to socialize so leave the camera at home and come watch others as they hone and practice their BDSM and photography skills.

NO VIDEO OR OUTSIDE LIGHTING EQUIPMENT IS ALLOWED. Camera mounted flashes ONLY!

PICTURES ARE OPTIONAL AND THE PRIVACY OF OTHERS WILL BE RESPECTED AT ALL TIMES!

We will have 2 House Photographers for this event. Anubis and Michael Sundin. So please look them up if you would like someone to shoot a scene for you.

Please note YOU will have to supply a Compact Flash or SD Memory Card 1GB or larger if you would like to have photos taken of you by the House Photographers (They can be found at virtually any electronic or drug store)

Admission is $25 or you can Volunteer for a shift and get in for FREE. Volunteer slots are limited and fill up fast. For questions or to volunteer email Flash@sfcitadel.org

SF Citadel Presents - Deserted Island! A Clothing Destruction-Themed Photographic Event!

Date: friday, 7/18
Time: 8 pm-1 am
Location: SF Citadel
Address: 181 Eddy Street (near Taylor)
Cost: $25
Dress Code: Dress Code: Stranded/Deserted Island Outfits Encouraged. Basic Black and Fetish Wear always works too

Hosted by:
Anubis and Michael

Deserted Island: Stranded on an island with nothing but the ragged and torn clothes on your back, creating implements out of what’s left to make the others scream loud enough to catch the attention of passing by ships.

At 10pm we will be presenting a special scene for your viewing and dining pleasure.

Flash is a unique event since it’s the ONLY time cameras ARE allowed IN ALL PARTS of the Citadel during an event. You may take photos of your partner, yourself and/or document your scene or ask one of the house photographers to take photos for you. (You may NOT take photos of others without their permission)

If your not photo friendly this event is still a great time to socialize so leave the camera at home and come watch others as they hone and practice their BDSM and photography skills.

NO VIDEO OR OUTSIDE LIGHTING EQUIPMENT IS ALLOWED. Camera mounted flashes ONLY!

PICTURES ARE OPTIONAL AND THE PRIVACY OF OTHERS WILL BE RESPECTED AT ALL TIMES!

We will have 2 House Photographers for this event. Anubis and Michael Sundin. So please look them up if you would like someone to shoot a scene for you.

Please note YOU will have to supply a Compact Flash or SD Memory Card 1GB or larger if you would like to have photos taken of you by the House Photographers (They can be found at virtually any electronic or drug store)

Admission is $25 or you can Volunteer for a shift and get in for FREE. Volunteer slots are limited and fill up fast. For questions or to volunteer email Flash@sfcitadel.org

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