For those who maintain that “they” s a singular pronoun is incorect, please read this and shut up.
It’s better to remember someone for their strengths than for their flaws. If only my sake. ##abetterperspective
The gnarly thing about these “Black Friday”, “Cyber Monday”…type made up holidays is that they’re yet another reminder to poor people or folks who just don’t have a lot of spare cash that our society doesn’t include them.
I’ve been wondering if there’s any porn possibilities out there for someone who’s not big on the sex in the traditional sense (P & V, anal, oral) but happy to explore shooting about other kinks. I’m serious. I’ve been curious about shooting porn for years now, but between my fleeting interest with sex, my lack of interest in mainstream porn, and mainstream porn companies’ lack of interest in folks shaped like me I’ve never really persued it. Now in light of my recent life change (the breakup), I’m sort of taking the “you only live once” approach. So I’m putting it out there to friends that I want to do this and seeing if folks have any pointers. KthnxTo be clear, I’m not so much interested in *making* porn but more so in *being in* porn.
Learning and re-learning that sometimes self care means temporarily not reading people’s hard posts on Facebook, not reading about the injustices in the world, and not calling people out on their BS, busted conversations. When I choose to do this, it’s not because I don’t care or because I’ve given up. It’s simply because I’m tired…physically, and emotionally of all that is wrong with the world and what it does to me and can do to me. It’s because the only way I can keep fighting, keep caring is sometimes admitting that I can’t.
Linus: I suppose you feel you’ve let everybody down.
Linus: But did you notice something, Charlie Brown?
Charlie Brown: What?
Linus: The world didn’t come to an end.
I love cleaning. Washing dishes to be specific. At events that are kind of crowded and busy being able to be in the kitchen to clean and wash dishes kind of grounds me, gives me a break from the sometimes overwhelming energy outside, and helps me feel like I’m adding to the occasion. At tonight’s (no)Thanksgiving gathering I was able to do exactly that. I was among good friends but at a certain point things still felt a little overwhelming, so I stepped into the kitchen area, saw the unwashed dishes, and found something to do. The end result was was a more grounded me, a fun occasion that seemed less overwhelming, and oh yeah! A pile of clean dishes! So…finding things that ground me and doing them when I feel overwhelmed. That works! Now I just need to find ways to get to the point when things are stressful where I can think to do that instead of letting my stress take over.
This “close friends” classification on Facebook is a funny thing, as it makes me wonder how close I really am to people. In particular, it makes me think that if the closeness of our relationship is based on my willingness and ability to entrust my most sensitive details with people that I’m really in trouble.
See, there are people who I’ve met going to recovery meetings who I know little about other than their stories related to their addictions but who I can count on seeing regularly. Are they close? In the sense that I feel a sort of commonality and reliability with them, yes. But in a sense that I feel a sort of investment in their personal life? I’m not so sure.
There are family members. Some of these people have been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. They can recall the most ranndom, obscure moments in my life I don’t even have the slightest idea about. Yet do I trust them to be able to objectively receive my most personal stuff? No. They’re family.
Then there are my friends. Honest, without a doubt friends.These are the people who over time have proven they accept and love me exactly as I am. These aare the people who I also love. They’re the people who if they were going through stuff and needed to talk for hours, I’d gladly give them hours of my time. Yet when it comes to trusting them to listen to the hard stuff without butting in? I can’t seem to do it.
So, what am I to do? See, there’s this funny thing with social networking sites. The only thing that separates me and people is the device that I use to visit the site. Yet there’s a kind of courage, honesty, and fearlessness that I’m able to muster in order to be heard that I can’t seem to gather when confronted with people in the flesh…no matter what our history might’ve been. I’m not sure what the answer is. What I do know is I have to do something about my ability to trust people enough to talk to people about what’s going on with me when I need to talk ‘cause clearly I can’t handle it myself.
I’d like to be a more positive person…a happier person. I don’t mean someone who wrecklessly pretends that everything’s going to be okay, even at the risk of fooling themselves from what’s really going on. There was a time when I honestly thought that a those who appear to be happy on a regular basis were simply doing that (fooling themselves), and then came the moments when MY way of seeing the world nd things happening in it started effecting me, the ways I went about my business, people around me, and my relationships with them. So here I am. Saying this out loud; tossing it out to chance; and trying to believe that I believe in the power of (more) positive thinking and if I do the work that the world around me will look better, and my life and how I interact with the world will be better.
"FINE" = Fucked up, Insane, Neurotic and Emotional
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