Because sometimes you don’t want, don’t need, or just aren’t ready for a solution. You just want to not be alone. #ihearyou
Been reading a lot of posts with the hashtag #whyileft (as well as the corresponding #whyistayed) and it’s bringing up a bunch of feels. I’m definitely feeling everything I’ve read from my friends telling their storries, and I’m also recalling abusive situations that I’ve witnessed, known about, and personally been through.Still, I’m worried that the hashtag can be used as a tool to blame those who for whatever reason choose NOT to leave, or who for whatever reason *can’t* can’t leave, or that it can serve as a way to infer that *not* leaving equals failure or lack of courage. Just thinking of that possibility eats at me.
While there’s NO WAY to excuse domestic violence, or any sort of relationship violence, I am uncomfortable with any sort of campaign against domestic violence whose message is “Why don’t you just leave?”. A lot of people who experience domestic violence simply don’t have the resources (be that financial, material, emotional, psychological…etc) necessary to make leaving a better, or even a *possible* solution. To over archingly champion leaving as the better alternative is just looking looking at domestic violence and its systematic damage in an overly simplistic way. I think in the end, that just does more harm than good.
I guess in my mind, a better hashtag for DV survivors could be #ihearyou, or #imwithyou. Because (from personal experience) I know that whether it’s coming out of a violent situation, or while *in* a violent situation, it can feel like I’m all alone. Hearing or reading messages telling someone there are people who can relate can shed light in a situation that can otherwise seem dark and endless. I think that can be more helpful at the moment than talking about staying or leaving.
Just my humble opinion.
To my fellow veterans of chronic pain and chronic illnesses:
For getting up and getting out of bed every day, for doing the things that keep us going and ready for the day we’re about to meet, and for making the very best out of our day despite the limitations we have, the obstacles we’re presented, and the voice in our head that tells us it’s too hard, we’re the strongest, bravest people I know. Never let anyone, or our own brains tell us different.
Photos taken by Saphyre Rogers-Berry. http://isisimages.zenfolio.com/
Help Dara share their passion with the World!
SF Citadel Presents Transmission! This Friday, 8/29, @ 8 pm!
Date: Friday, 8/29
Time: 8 pm-1 am
Location: SF Citadel
Address: 181 Eddy Street (near Taylor)
Cost: $25, volunteer for an hour and get in FREE!
Dress Code: Whatever makes you feel sexy!
SF Citadel presents TransMission, an event for trans people and our friends. Be you transgender, transsexual, gender queer, gender fluid, gender fucked, gender free, gender non-conforming, or simply a friend of trans folks, you are welcome. Bring your toys and your diabolical imaginations, and dress whatever way makes you feel sexy! For this night, trans people are no longer the minority, but instead will rule the dungeon as never before.
Come sporting whatever that makes you feel hot, sexy, and ready to party, be that leather, latex, denim, punk…orwhatever that makes you ready to have a good time!
Volunteer one hour and you can get in FREE! To sign up for a volunteer shift, or if you have any questions please e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org.
Address: 289 8th Street (near Folsom)
Cost: The cost of a drink, a treat, or shwag!
Dress Code: Casual, or whatever pleases your inner little! Those who come wearing school uniforms get extra credit!
The month’s almost through; Summer’s almost over; and it’s almost time to go back to school. Want to end break time with a BANG? Why not come hang out with your friends both old and new at this month’s San Francisco Littles Munch?
We’ve got coloring, crafts, maybe even a back-to-school story or two. Wicked Grounds has yummy treats, tasty drinks, and maybe even some naughty coloring books for those into that kind of thing ;-) Got your own favorite game or story that you want to share? That’d be awesome too. If you’re ready to have fun and want to meet otheers who love to have fun like you, then this is a munch you’re not going to want to miss!
Oh yeah! Our munch takes place in San Francisco’s only coffee shop owned by kinksters, opened for kinksters! So if you have your favorite littles clothes that you want to show off, you can feel free to come wearing it, or bring it to change into. A lot of munches are mostly about talking. This is where we actually play!
The San Francisco Littles Munch welcomes anyone who is into or curious about consensual age play between adults. So whether you identify as a big. a little, a baby, something in between, or if you’re new and trying to find what you like, if you’re looking for a fun way to spend a wednesday night this munch might just be the place for you!
Having contest prep on the brain! In that spirit, I’ve decided to devote my Ms. SF Leather contestant basket to putting the spotlight on merchants and organizations that sober kinksters, or those who want a break from thee bar scene can go to. Not that there’s anything wrong with bars. I occasionally go to events at bars myself. It’s just that leather bars and the bar scene get a lot of play in leather culture already. As a sober leather girl, I’d like to showcase some of our local institutions that kinksters who don’t drink can go to have fun.
So, sober kinksters who own businesses, who run groups, or who make stuff: I’m inviting you to donate to my contestant basket! My life as a eather person and as a person in recovery helped me figure out where I fit in the world and amplified my love for service and my love for giving back! Now I invite you to help me give back to my community! Let me know if you can contribute!
Ms. SF Citadel 2014
I have to say, as a mainstream TV personality who discusses current events, John Oliver is okay. I watched Some of his commentary on Ferguson and it’s better than any mainstream TV conversation I’ve seen on this. That’s really as far as I’ll go endorsing mainstream media news coverage. But there you have it.
This from yesterday…
On my way home now having had gone to an awesome program of women’s leather history, had a tasty sandwich, and just now having a rather delightful conversation with a fellow bus rider on topics ranging from how my e cigarette works, what I had for dinner, to creepy crawlies the size of a flip flop.
Looking at him, one may assume him to be a cast away from the lie that is “the American dream” and he may well be that. Regardless, he was well-mannered, inquisitive, and a wealth of experience, curiosity, and interesting stories. Really, if I didn’t have to get off the bus to go home talking to him would have been a fine way to spend the night. Yet as I was talking to this man, I saw people either literally backing away if they found themselves near him, or perhaps worse, staring at him as if he’s some zoo animal! Now, I get it. Not everyone has a long history of striking up conversations with random strangers to kill time. But to either stare or back away from someone just trying to get along like we are? Who are we to do that to someone’s who’s done no harm to us?
One of the things I take great pleasure in when going around town going about my business is observing and learning how different people are, how they live, and in that process WHO people are. I guess it comes from growing up with a whole bunch of people who are different from me, and who come from different places. As such, interacting with someone quite different from me has been an integral part of my life. I get that that’s not everyone’s history, and that some people have legit reasons to be afraid of strangers like traumatic experiences, or they simply don’t want to be talked to. But BACKING AWAY from someone who’s done nothing to you except try to strike up a conversation? Really? A simple “I really don’t feel like talking right now” or even ignoring someone if you must Will be sufficient I think.
Sometimes people just kind of disappoint me I think.
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